are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
