Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
