i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
