when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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