you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
