Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
