You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
