I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
