Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
