i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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