Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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