i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
