im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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