ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
