so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
