guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
