You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
