where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
