So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
