did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
