3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
