My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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