my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
