so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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