i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
