it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
