I CAN MOONWALK!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
