we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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