just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
