i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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