my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
