This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
