I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
