am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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