:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
