My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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