i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
