Im at strip club and am horny
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
