If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
