I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
