Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
