i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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