everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
