so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
