It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
