New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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