Heybabeimwearingurpanties
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
