it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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