Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
