pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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