i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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