He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
