During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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