I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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